I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
