oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
