lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
