You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
