hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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