barbara walters just said penis...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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