I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
