shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
