Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
