He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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