I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
