According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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