He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
