So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
