seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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