Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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