I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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