Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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