My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They have beer where we have blood.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
