Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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