I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
