Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
