Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
