Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
