All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
