Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
