dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
