I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
