You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
