Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
