this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
