when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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