This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
