I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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