I CAN MOONWALK!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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