We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Come share oat with me in your robe
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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