I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
