I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
