Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
