I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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