I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
