as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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