The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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