There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
