then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
