Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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