Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she pinky promised me she was 18
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Found the puke drawer
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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