Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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