I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
