i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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