using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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