Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
