nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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