Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
