It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
