Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
