before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
