i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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