I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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