is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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