i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
