Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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